I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
