the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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