I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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