So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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