Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
