I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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