Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
