i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
