if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
