i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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