I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
