Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize