If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I didn't notice because vodka
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
