i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
