We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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