Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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