I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
