Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
