The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
