This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
