I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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