Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
