she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He better not be in your backpack
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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