Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
