I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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