She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
