she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
