I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
