I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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