He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
