Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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