it's too hot outside to masturbate.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
