One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
