I looked at my own cervix.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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