I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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