He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
