Need sex. Gaining weight.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
