My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
