so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
