I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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