His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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