Will you blow on my dice?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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