ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
