Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
