I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
