My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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