she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
