I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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