i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
