Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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