I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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