god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The ass gains better be worth it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
