Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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