he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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