chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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