you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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