Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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