Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
