I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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