I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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