Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
