Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
