I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
