Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
