I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
