Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
