Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
