i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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