Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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