saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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