just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
