Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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