i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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