Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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