i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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