I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
