Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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