That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
