I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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