There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
