Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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